Sometimes I have the worst job...

On Friday I came to work like any other day, sat through Grand Rounds but noticed that one of our most stoic attendings had been crying. After the lecture was over we turned around and saw a group of residents with pure shock on their faces. Apparently overnight one of our attendings had come in with an IUFD (fetal demise). She is due exactly 1 week before me. She had noticed the night before that she hadn't felt movement for 30 minutes (which is completely normal) so she went to the hospital with her husband (who is also one of our attendings). There were no heart tones. The one thing no mother is ever prepared to hear. That your baby who you have been carrying for almost 9 months is dead. Just gone. No going back in time and delivering just before the something bad happened. It's over. We had had a baby shower for them 2 days before. They had the nursery ready.

After I heard I just felt nauseous and couldn't say anything but oh my God. One of the other residents took my hand and took me to triage to ultrasound Baby G. And there was a beautiful heart beat. Just perfect. Without reason my baby is fine and her's is gone.

I called John later and he said he didn't know this could happen. He thought we were in the clear this far along. Unfortunately I explained you are never in the clear until that baby is in your arms, and then you have a whole new set of problems to work about. Unfortunately in residency I have been a bit of an iufd magnet. I have delivered my fair share + way too many and it is never easy. I can't even imagine telling someone you know. Of course I was on call that night so I new when she delivered. Her OB (the stoic attending) had been there >24 hours only taking care of her, her patient, her friend.

So now I sit here crying, like I did all day that day, thankful that my baby is kicking and growing. So please hug your children, rub your pregnant belly, say a prayer for them.